Mimesis Law
23 July 2019

Bunker Hill Cops Quit, Fault Lines To The Rescue

December 16, 2016 (Fault Lines) — Fault Lines Contributor Greg Prickett, a former law enforcement officer, is steadfast in his opinion when cops whine and moan about their difficult jobs. When they start crying about a job less dangerous than a fisherman’s, Greg’s response is as follows:

[They] need to resign, and find something else to do, because the public is entitled to police officers who will actually do the job. We can always find more officers.

Apparently the cops in Bunker Hill, Indiana read Greg’s posts and took his words to heart. On Monday, all the cops in Bunker Hill resigned during a town board meeting. Town Marshal Michael Thomison and his four unpaid reserve deputies submitted letters of resignation on December 12, which the Town Board accepted without comment. This wasn’t just a situation where Thomison and the deputies would go quietly into that good night, though. Marshal Mike had to get a few parting shots in before he left.

In his letter, Thomison alleged the town board asked him to “be involved in illegal, unethical and immoral things over time,” including asking him to conduct criminal background checks on other board members and requesting confidential information.

“I have had to educate them on the things they were asking from me and explained that I would not take part in any of these actions,” he said.

Thomison said the board also voted to reduce his hours to part time so the town would not be required to provide health insurance after he was diagnosed with cancer.

Kids these days refer to that as a “mic drop.” There’s no knowledge of how quickly Bunker Hill will get a new police force, but Miami County Sheriff Tim Miller promised to pick up the slack until the town hires a new Marshall. This is unacceptable. Sheriff Miller has his own job responsibilities, none of which include answering calls in Bunker Hill. The Town Board needs to hire someone ready, willing, and able to enforce Bunker Hill’s ordinances immediately.

This is where Fault Lines steps in. Problem solving is something at which our contributors excel. Here’s a list of potential candidates for Bunker Hill’s newest Marshall.

  1. Ray Albers, formerly of Missouri.
  2. Iberia Parish Sheriff Louis Ackal and the “Bayou Boyz.”
  3. Sean Whent, Ben Fairow, or Paul Figueroa of Oakland, California
  4. Joshua Judge and Tyson Teut of Iowa.
  5. Any Clayton County, Georgia child support bailiff.

There’s a good list with which to start, but another underlying problem must be addressed before Bunker Hill selects a new top cop. If Michael Thomison’s statements were correct, and the town had to cut costs like his health insurance, then Bunker Hill has a revenue problem. This must be fixed, and the best way to do it is through something Americans adore: reality television.

It’s time for a compelling police show viewers will watch beyond “Cops.” Let’s make “Bunker Hill’s Next Top Cop” happen. Take the above list of candidates for Town Marshall and make them compete in a series of challenges designed to test their mentality, police work, and fitness to serve the good people of Bunker Hill. Give the winner of a challenge “immunity” from elimination, and the host eliminates one contestant per episode from the remaining pool. The winner gets the Town Marshall gig, and all ad revenue goes to the town of Bunker Hill.

Putting the selection process on television would give Bunker Hill complete fairness and transparency. A major network broadcasting the show with money going to the town would cure Bunker Hill’s cash flow problems. And it would give the contestants a chance at redeeming themselves after past alleged “issues” that might have affected their professional careers. There’s just one question left after green-lighting such a show. Who would host?

Fortunately, Fault Lines has the answer.

9 Comments on this post.

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  • Agammamon
    16 December 2016 at 1:54 pm - Reply

    I hear *Mr.* Arpaio’s got some free time nowadays . . .

    • Greg Prickett
      17 December 2016 at 6:13 pm - Reply

      Damn.

      What did the people of Bunker Hill do to you?

    • CLS
      19 December 2016 at 9:09 am - Reply

      I second Greg’s question. And there’s no way Arpaio gets on the show.

  • Jim
    16 December 2016 at 6:17 pm - Reply

    “Evangeline Parish Sheriff Eddie Soileau, citing a severe budget deficit, is considering getting out of the law enforcement business.

    “According to documents released with an Attorney General’s Office opinion on Wednesday, Soileau asked for legal guidance on whether the Sheriff’s Office can forgo law enforcement.” — The Advocate

  • ,Asyouseethis
    17 December 2016 at 1:50 pm - Reply

    Maybe they need to start vetting their board members. Why are there board members trying to find out dirt on other board members? What is going on in this town? Someone is on a powertrip and it’s not the police.. they quit their jobs.

    • CLS
      19 December 2016 at 9:10 am - Reply

      Who is on any alleged “power trip” isn’t the issue. We need to see Bunker Hill cops in action soon, and this TV show has to happen.

  • John
    18 December 2016 at 11:07 pm - Reply

    I grew up in Clayton County, GA. What happened to law enforcement there since I left has been frightening. However, I suggest they can hire former sheriff Victor Hill if they want more national attention. He will also grow the town (with felons facing extradition from other states and looking for a place where subpoenas to extradition hearings would not be served, like Hill did in Clayton County).

    • CLS
      19 December 2016 at 9:11 am - Reply

      Never heard of the guy, but I dig the name. “Victor Hill” almost sounds like he was made for Town Marshall. He’d be considered for inclusion on the show.

  • Leroy
    19 December 2016 at 2:57 pm - Reply

    Please make this show happen!

    I would actually hook my Television up to something other than the PlayStation and Blu-ray player for this show, for the first time in over a decade. Unless it is on Netflix or Amazon, in which case I can get those streams from the the Blu-ray player.