New Jersey Cops Make First Clown Collar
October 7, 2016 (Fault Lines) — The scary clown epidemic, first reported by Fault Lines Contributor David Meyer Lindenberg, has reached levels of mass hysteria for the American public. Professional clowns, intent on bringing joy to the lives of all, are organizing “Clown Lives Matter” protests to combat the scary clown menace. Now Toms River, New Jersey police are fighting back with their first collar in the Great Clown War of 2016. It’s a twelve-year-old girl who likes to do dumb things with Instagram.
A 12-year-old New Jersey girl was arrested last night for a “killer clown hoax” launched from the Instagram account “Killerclownfromnj.” The student, whose name was not released by cops, appears to be the youngest person, to date, collared for making clown-related threats.
“Clown related threats” is a pretty big category under which many varieties of speech fall. Did she specifically issue some sort of threat under the guise of a clown? Was this twelve-year-old girl guilty of committing the dreaded act of “hate speech” against clowns? As it turns out, she announced Killerclownfromnj’s appearance at her school on a certain date.
In the Instagram post, the girl made an “unspecified threat” to a public school in Toms River…The post from “Killerclownfromnj” stated “Some people wanted Toms River Intermediate East Middle School. I will be there at 8:37 sharp on Thursday, October 6, 2016!…The poster also added a series of emojis implying violence, officers said.
If there’s one digital communication tool capable of spurring a cop to anti-clown action, it’s an emoji that implies “violence.” The reader is left to determine what emojis imply violence, but it was enough for Toms River police to arrest the preteen. She now faces a third degree count of “causing false public alarm” in addition to school discipline.
Unfortunately for Toms River authorities, the girl didn’t circulate or initiate a report of any “fire, explosion, bombing, crime, or catastrophe” knowing such report would cause “public alarm.” Yes, clowns are the subject of our latest media hysteria, but nothing the young girl did or said could reasonably be construed as causing public alarm. Unless you’ve just finished watching Stephen King’s “It,” but that’s another matter entirely.
While it’s unclear at this time if our underage prankster will beat the rap, Toms River police are convinced students may return to school protected from any clown-related threat. After a swift and thorough investigation, they found no problems existed at all for students at Toms River Intermediate East Middle School.
Investigators concluded that the “ill-conceived hoax” posed no “credible threat to students.”
With real dangers of clown attacks present in our country, it’s sad to see the commander of the Killer Clowns in Chief, Stephen King, twit something so ill-conceived of his own in response to this growing epidemic.
Hey, guys, time to cool the clown hysteria–most of em are good, cheer up the kiddies, make people laugh.
Pennywise looks down on you with disgust, Mr. King. For shame.