Mimesis Law
21 November 2017

Nick Fuhst’s Criminally Bad Pickup Line

May 20, 2016 (Mimesis Law) — It’s hard to come up with innovative pickup lines.  Men struggle with this issue all the time.  One thing you don’t want to do when crafting a pickup line is impersonate a police officer and intimate you need the names and numbers of waitresses at your favorite restaurant.  Yet Nicholas Fuhst of Saginaw, Michigan, thought this the perfect way to pick up women, and now finds himself facing criminal charges as a result.

Investigators with the Saginaw County Sheriff’s Department say 18-year-old Nicholas Fuhst walked into the Hooters in Kochville Township on Thursday night, sat down at the bar and told an employee he was an undercover police officer. He was looking for suspects in a crime he was investigating and needed the names of employees at the restaurant.

Fuhst was apparently convincing or intimidating enough that an employee wrote down several names and gave him the list. He then left the restaurant on his mode of transportation, a skateboard, but returned a short time later.

The method of transportation should have been a red flag for Hooters employees.  Police regularly ride bicycles, but skateboards aren’t generally a means by which law enforcement travel.  That led the Hooters employees to suspect something amiss.  When Fuhst returned to the Hooters with the names of a few women he wanted extra “information” on a few “prime suspects,” the Hooters staff cried foul and got in touch with the real law enforcement.

Police say he then showed the employee the list with most of the names crossed off, but two were circled. Workers got suspicious, called 911 and deputies arrived while Fuhst was still at the restaurant.

When those deputies arrived, Fuhst apparently had a few items in his “service bag” that made him a naughty boy worth prosecuting.  His backpack had zip ties, something used as “impromptu handcuffs,” and that would not do.  Since those are used at times to restrain criminal defendants, this meant Fuhst got charges of “impersonating a police officer” and “molesting or disturbing workers.”

It’s also bad enough Fuhst was in a situation where he’d violated a diversion program preventing him from going to jail.  Now there was no choice but to make sure he suffered jail time since Hooters takes false impersonation of a police officer to get a lady’s phone number seriously.

Jolyn Hollingsworth is a regional manager for Hooters and declined to comment on the incident, but did say, “The safety and security of all of our employees is our top priority for us in the restaurant.”

Apparently the safety and security of employees meant the stupidity of a desperate, idiot kid who wanted a girl’s phone number, any phone number, was worth criminal charges and making sure the kid had a worse life than previously considered, since he was already on a diversionary program for another charge.

Guys these days just can’t a break when it comes to meeting women, even if the pickup line is novel like, “I’m a police officer and investigating a crime.”  If this gaffe constitutes criminal conduct, what’s a guy to do when breaking the ice with a pretty girl?

4 Comments on this post.

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  • Adam
    20 May 2016 at 3:43 pm - Reply

    Is this satire? I can think of several very good reasons why people should be punished severely for falsely claiming to be a law enforcement officer to get information out of people (or, for that matter, a real police officer using his authority for the apparent purposes of Nick here.)

    • Evan
      22 May 2016 at 12:09 pm - Reply

      No it’s not satire, I went to school with this kid, it is 1000% something he would do.

  • Evan
    22 May 2016 at 12:08 pm - Reply

    this has a weirdly pro-nick stance. let me tell you, this kid was a piece of SH*T from the day he was born. i went to school with him, and he assaulted girls constantly, was generally annoying af and was constantly in trouble over doing something dumb. this is not a surprise, and he deserves zero sympathy. he has been given every chance to reform and this is just another strike in a long line of offenses. im really glad hes going someplace he can’t hurt people, and i dread to think what he would have done with those girls’ info.

  • E Hines
    22 May 2016 at 12:46 pm - Reply

    He then left the restaurant on his mode of transportation, a skateboard, but returned a short time later.
    The method of transportation should have been a red flag for Hooters employees. Police regularly ride bicycles, but skateboards aren’t generally a means by which law enforcement travel.

    He’s under cover, yo.

    If this gaffe constitutes criminal conduct, what’s a guy to do when breaking the ice with a pretty girl?

    Hand her the hammer.

    Eric Hines